Case 1
Chassidim view that the rebbe's views are true and are based on ruach hakodesh. A chasid comes to a therapist and says he is unhappy, his wife is unhappy and so are his kids. He is following the views of his rebbe and his wife and children try their best to follow the guidelines of the rebbe. He has gone a number of times to the rebbe for guidance, but the rebbe says that his suffering is because of his yetzer harah and he just needs to try harder. However the chasid reports having no sense of fulfillment, spiritual accomplishment, emotional connection. There is no shalom bayis and the kids are depressed. There is no evidence of psychological problems being the cause of these complaints. The chasid reports serious doubts about the validity of his chassidus after he had a serious of discussions with friends who are Litvaks and different types of Chassidim. He yearns for intellectual independence and psychological space from the community and in particular the rebbe who he does not respect. He feels that he is trapped playing a role that for him is phony and hypocritical. He feels energized by immersing in different views and trying to clarify his own views of hashkofa. The therapist concludes that the problem is that the chasid and his families psychological and emotional needs are not met by this particular chassidus.
Case 2
A Litvak from a long line of Litvaks has it made and is the envy of his friends. He has mastered Shas, is a successful rebbe in a major New York yeshiva high school. Married the daughter of a well-known gadol who is a successful teacher in a seminary and a popular speaker. They have 5 kids who are doing well in yeshiva/Beis Yaakov. They have no health or financial worries. However collectively they are report that religion has become a culture and that they find nothing meaningful in what they do. While they are perceived as role models, they feel emptiness both spiritually and psychologically. Over the last year they have found a great attraction to Chassidus because of a couple they met Pesach at a hotel. He now yearns for the spiritual certainty and vibrancy he sees in chassidus – something that surprises him because he was raised to have disdain for Chassidus and rebbes. He feels a need to be a part of a community and to be able to be given guidance by a rebbe. The independence that a Litvak treasures, he views as alienation and distance from G‑d.
Case 3
The 17 year of daughter of a gadol finds it unpleasant living up to everyone's expectations of how a gadol's daughter should be. She would like a career which requires a college education. She wants to marry someone who is frum – but not a Torah genius who will spend the rest of his life learning 18 hours a day. She wants a husband who is a friend that she can relax with – not a revered figure that she must sacrifice her own needs to support and tend to. In short she does not want to be a rebbetzin who is married to the Chofetz Chaim – which is what her family expects of her. She really wants to have a comfortable existence and not the life of poverty that she grew up with sharing a 4 room apartment with her parents and 10 siblings. She came to the therapist because of migraine headaches, periodic bouts of depression and has recently started to cut herself (though she hasn't told her parents).
These cases are not really psychological problems but the result of a mismatch between the nature of the person and religious identity. Is it appropriate for a therapist to suggest a major religious change? If so how should he go about presenting the idea?
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