Seminary Scandal: "They call him Tatte" - How should male teachers relate to female students?

While most of the attention of the Seminary Scandal is concerned with the conflict between the Chicago Beis Din and the Israeli Beis Din - more important issues are being ignored.

To put it bluntly and clearly - What should the nature of the relationship be between young unmarried females students of 18 or 19 and male teachers in the seminary?

We are all familiar with the laws prohibit physical contact between males and females. We all think we are familiar with the laws of yichud - that a male should not be alone with a woman who is not his wife.

What is clearly missing though is dealing with special relationships involved strong emotions, one party being subordinate to a brilliant Torah scholar who is also charismatic, empathetic and capable of providing immense dosages of self-esteem with a proper smile or concerned question or sometimes by offering large amount of time to listen sympathetically to the pains and troubles of a young lady. This also applies a rabbi and a female congregant who is coming for marital counseling or simply to get the attention she isn't getting from her busy husband. It also applies to the workplace where a boss or supervisor or coworker - provides needed emotional or professional assistance to an admiring and appreciate member of the opposite sex. It also applies especially to the world of kiruv where young personable men have extensive and intensive emotional interaction with young females in the hope of making them frum by providing them with a warm attentive relationship.

I remember Rav Feivel Cohen saying that a guy who learns in Kollel by having his wife go into the workplace - gets no reward for his Torah learning.

One of the major seminaries in Jerusalem has a very warm caring principal who deals extensively with his student's problems. In fact that is one of the major attractions of the seminary. His students refer to him as Tatte.[I was just informed that it is either a common but mistaken belief or that it is only true for a small percentage of the student. However my point of concern is still valid.] When I expressed surprise at this - the seminary teacher who told me about this said that these type of relationships are not only common in the seminaries for Americans in Jerusalem - they are considered desirable. He also added that he isn't aware of any halachic basis to justify such a relationship and that gedolim are not asked and generally have expressed a negative attitude to such a relationship. In fact when one of my friends needed a job to support his family - Rav Eliashiv told him that teaching in a seminary was only the last resort if he could not find any other job -  because it was very problematic interacting with young ladies on a regular basis.

Some people have responded by simply saying that this is the necessary risk that needs to be taken in education and kiruv. That the benefits far out way the costs so that we tolerate the few cases where the boundaries of halacha are violated and transgressions occur. In other words this is the cost of doing business.

What is clear is that the justification for these relations are coming from the bottom up i.e.,  by what works or what can't be stopped. This is not how we deal with the issue of kashrus or Shabbos - but it is the reality today. 

I would like to have a discussion as to what should be and what needs to be - in order to properly educate women today. Should seminaries be  modeled on a warm and caring family or should they be  more intellectual and less emotional like a college environment? Should we be willing to accept that there will be periodic scandals or should there a zero tolerance standard even if it means that more girls go off the derech because they have lost interest in Yiddishkeit? What do you think?"

Update:  One educator has suggested the following:

1 male teachers may never call students by first name rather Miss (or Ms. ) plonis

2 classrooms may not be small creating a feeling of intimacy

3 One must maintain an atmosphere of distance and mechubadus while being respectful and nice to the students

4 Only men over 50 with good solid marriages  may teach young women

5 no jokes to get a laugh are allowed they create kalus rosh

6 one may allow a young woman to seek advice on personal (appropriate ) matters once and then refer them to a female adviser, mentor or mental health professional when necessary